Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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