It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
