So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
