Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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