OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
