Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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