Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
