we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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