you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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