wrigley field is MILF paradise
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
