She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
