filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
