don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
