I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
