I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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