Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
