I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
