Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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