By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize