Whod you bang
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
