I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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