I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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