There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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