is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
