I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
