Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
