If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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