so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
