yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
