he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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