Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
