What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
