I wish my penis had an off switch
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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