Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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