it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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