Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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