well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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