Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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