She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
