Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
