Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
