Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
