That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
