she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
