Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
