You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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