he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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