Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
