I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
