just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
