Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
