just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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