sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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