Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
