honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
