Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
