wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
we're so committed to being not committed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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