you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
