If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They took my balls.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
