my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
