He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
