I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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