Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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