Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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