Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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