If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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