Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
